The main reason why I feel so behind (stagnant?) in my path is that I get so easily overwhelmed. How many gods do I worship? From which pantheons? What kind of magic should I practice? What tools do I need? What should be in my Book? Do I include this, do I do that, do all these things work together? I get so caught up in all these questions and the need for clear, defined answers that I compromise by not doing anything at all. I could be fostering deeper relationships with deities and spirits, but I don’t because I get hung up on which spirits and through what framework. I could be further along in developing my skills as a witch, but I’m not because I get hung up on what magic to work, through what framework, with what tools. It’s an exhausting process that I know I put myself through. The crazy thing is I can sort of see where I want to end up, I just can’t see a clear way to get there. What I need to do is just take the first step. I need to refocus on what actually works for me, what I know for certain about my practice and then go from there. Things I know for sure are:
– I am an animist. First and foremost, I acknowledge the spirits all around us. Perhaps this needs to be my initial jumping off point for all other things.
– I am a Gaelic polytheist. This has been a good fit for me, and has provided a good framework for me to operate. I don’t work with all the deities (and perhaps why this fit works so well is because in many ways the Gaelic deities feel less like deities and more like major spirits?), but I don’t feel I need to. Brighid is primarily who I work with. I have also been working on developing a way to work with An Cailleach, and am beginning to develop a way to work with An Dagda.
– My practice needs to be local. As an animist, and as someone who sees their deities are intertwined with the landscape, it is important to me to ground my practice in where I am. Right now, that is the PNW.
– I see myself as more of a folk/hearth witch. I do not see myself engaging in ceremonial or more traditional Grimoire work. My magic is folk magic, and I have to figure out what that means to me.
– I want to develop a collection of tools that I can use to help facilitate my practice. I have come to the conclusion that this is something I must figure out for myself. I have to decide, outside of any other framework, what works best for me. Right now I am feeling the need to create a stang and a broom. I actually already have the stang almost complete, and have plans for how to make my broom. Then comes figuring out how best to use them.
– I want to really and truly learn the ogham. The more I learn about it, the more I see how it would fit firmly into my life. I need to become more serious about my studies.
– I want to establish a more routine practice. This will likely go a long way to help me feel more grounded and secure in my practice.
With Samhain approaching, I feel that now is a good time to rededicate myself to making my spiritual and magical practice a greater part of my life. Now is a good time to start figuring out how best to walk my path so that I don’t feel so stagnant. I think I will use the above list as a jumping off point. It roughly captures the things I know for sure and the things that I know for sure I want to do. The one big thing that is not on that list is my practice with Hekate. I keep a shrine to her in my apartment, have honored her off and on, and am certainly in awe of her, but I struggle with how she fits into my practice. Part of it is that she lies beyond the Gaelic pantheon and that bothers my mind which likes tidy categories. Part of it is that a lot of what I seek from Hekate, I already find with Brighid, and I feel Brighid far more strongly than I feel Hekate. Perhaps the thing to do for the moment is to pack up Hekate’s shrine and put it away until I can figure out where she fits into my life.
Either way, I think I know where I’m starting.
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