Tag: woolly rambles

Some thoughts: I moved just before coming down from Portland to California to work for the summer. Although I moved my things into my new place, I did not unpack and won’t do so until I return in August. This means I have time to decide how I want to set things up. I have decided that I want to have separate shrines for all of the major deities/spirits I work with. This would mean I would have a shrine for Brighid, a shrine for An Dagda, a shrine for Hecate, and a shrine for the Fairy Queen. I’ve been debating whether I want to also set up a permanent working altar, or just keep my tools stored someplace (either on display or in a box) to be taken out when needed. I think I’m leaning towards storing them to be taken out when needed. My room at my new house is a fully finished basement with recessed windows, so I have lots of space to set up magical areas. Tbh, I’m always playing around with how I do things, particularly because I come from a Gaelic background, but also work with Hecate and trad craft. Got the rest of the summer to plan tho I guess

So earlier this year. I ended an 8 year relationship. It was a really long time coming. Looking back, I made the decision to end this relationship years ago, but I’m a taurus and harbor a mild fear of nobody else wanting me that is deffo tied to my fear that everybody hates me, so it took me a while to get around to it. Plus I have known my former partner since we were teenagers, and outside of our romantic relationship we had a great friendship. The problem was that he couldn’t support me in any of the ways I needed him too, particularly emotionally and financially. This had been going on for sometimw, but became especially acute after I started law school. As a result of me being completely unsupported, amd having to support both myself and my ex at the same time, I have actually felt single for years. My relationship was a lot less like having a partner and a lot more like having a not-so-helpful roommate. We hadn’t even really done anything socially together for at least 2 years. The fact that this was so long coming and was (at least for me) more of a formality than anything else, meant that I left the relationship having already gone through a grieving process and was ready to move on.

Maybe I’m being silly, maybe I need to do something different or whatever, but I really have felt alone and used for so long, and I am ready to know what it feels like to be loved and supported by someone who doesn’t just see me as a piggy bank. I really do like being in a relationship. I like having a partner who is there for mutual support, who I can hang out and have fun with, and who I can be physically affectionate with. I’m not looking to jump into something with the next guy I see. I know myself very well, and I know its going to take a particular type of person to be able to handle me full time. Not to be that person, but I have a very strong, assertive personality, and I would absolutely demolish a weak man without a second thought. Plus, I learned a lot in my last relationship about what does and doesn’t work for me. The point is, I have expectations about what I want/need, and I’m not willing to settle. But at the same time, I very sincerely hope I’m not staring down the barrel of a long period of being alone. Again, I really do like having a romantic partner, and I very much want to experience a relationship that fullfills me in all the ways my last one didn’t.

I also don’t have much interest in wasting my time and dicking around, so I can’t imagine “dating” is going to be much more than a massive headache for me.

I don’t really know what this is for other than to put some feelings I’ve been having into words and share them with strangers on the internet.

Finishing up the second week of my summer job clerking at a law firm. I’m here until 5 and definitely do not have enough to do to keep me occupied until then (and certainly not enough to keep me from overthinking shit lol). Cue periodically scrolling through tumblr on my phone all day.

Up until today the most upsetting thing anyone had ever said to me was that they thought Jolene was a Miley Cyrus song, but then tonight my father told me that he had listened to the Clueless soundtrack so often he was sick of it, but had never actually seen the movie.