normal-horoscopes:

Aries: The world seems to be getting smaller and smaller. One day you will be confronted with the magnitude of it all. The vast unexplored deep. the wild unknown, and all those that would build a home in its bosom.

Taurus: These stone towers ran flush with coffee and blood, the result of an ancient accord with what now sleeps below. 

Gemini: The cars out front. The childrens toys strewn about the lawn. All a lie. The home lies empty and abandoned, it has for a long long time.

Cancer: Death comes for all things. The dryad that lived in the great oak tree at the edge of town will miss her roadside vigil, but will be glad for rest. The ash grove will make a fine home for her children.

Leo: Your hoard of stolen notebooks will be put to good use. You will make a bargain not so easily made. Lucky you.

Virgo: The old lady running the taco truck is an aswang, dont worry, its real carnitas. Gotta make money somehow.

Libra: Look out for the buff dude with the bag on his head. Some nasty business there.

Scorpio: Attention Scorpio! Extra soul located in shoe box. Thank you.

Ophiuchus: It is not Christmas. The man in the mantleplace is not santa. Santa is not made of soot and bones. Not yet anyway.

Sagittarius: Sometime later today you will be teleported to a field in switzerland for approximately seven seconds. Dont panic. You have been warned.

Capricorn: The stars tell of an excellent harvest. You do not have a say in this. Bounty or die.

Aquarius: The gecko in the corner of your room is eating the bugs, please leave her alone. She is also a powerful magic user and shouldn’t not be trifled with.

Pisces: Old rusted scissors have come back. This time you will know what they mean, what they are truly an omen of.